
UP-TO-DATE ANNE 




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UP-TO-DATE ANNE 



A Hcm*Bttc Cnmefcy in &utn Aria 



By LUCY STEARNS KEYS 



Copyright 1915 by Dick & Fitzgerald 



NEW YORK 
DICK & FITZGERALD 

18 Ann Street 



UP-TO-DATE ANNE 



CHARACTERS 

Anne Withebbee The woman in the home 

Howabd Witheebee Her husband 

Fanchon Bijou Sample of average assistant in the 

scientific management of the home 
Kate Baeton .... Confidential secretary to financial magnate 
Jim Coleman Faithful attendant upon Kate Barton 

Time. — The present. Locality. — A suburban town. 

Time of Playing. — About 1 hour. 

COSTUMES 

Modern and appropriate to characters portrayed. 

INCIDENTAL PROPERTIES 

Money in desk drawer for Anne. Watch and sling for 
Coleman. Maganne;for Kate. Glass of water for Witheebee. 
Bills, kindling, bandages and hot water bottle for Fanchon. 

STAGE DIRECTIONS 

As seen by a performer on the stage facing the audience, e. 
means right hand; l. left hand; c. center of stage; b. it. e., 
right upper entrance; l. u. e., left upper entrance. Up means 
toward back of stage; Down, toward footlights. 

TMP96-006539 
2 



MQ 3 /gj5 ©CI.D 41401 



UP-TO-DATE ANNE 



ACT I. 



Scene. — Living-room in the Witherbee home. Morning. 
Table up c. at ivhich Anne and Howard have eaten break- 
fast. Table down c. holding clock, books and pamphlets, 
all bearing upon the activities of the home. Chairs r. and 
l. of table. Down l,., a couch. Down r. an arm-chair 
with Witherbee's hat, coat and gloves upon it. Doors R. u. 
E. and l. u. e. A telephone on r. wall. Anne's desk, with 
picture over it, up l. DISCOVERED Anne and Howard at 
breakfast table. During the following dialogue Fanchon 
Bijou, an interested listener and spectator, carries 
dishes to the kitchen, l. u. e. 

Wuherbee (rising, coming forward and picking up his 
gloves). I've had enough of science, I say! 

Anne (tearful, but firm). I'm trying to run my house as 
efficiently as you run your office. 

Witherbee. See here, my dear girl, office efficiency is not 
house efficiency. An office is run to further a business enter* 
prise, enjoyably or not; a house is run to encourage restful- 
ness, relaxation, and comfort. 

Anne. No matter what its object is, housekeeping should 
be managed, like any other industry, on a business basis. 

ENTER Fanchon Bijou l. u. e. She hands Anne a slip of 

paper. 

Fanchon. The milk bill, Mis' Witherbee. 
Anne. Oh, dear! (Goes to desk and takes money from 
drawer) There, that is the exact amount. 

[EXIT Fanchon Bijou l. u. e. 
Witherbee. To continue this argument 



4 Up-To-Date Anne 

Anne (waving a protesting hand and leaning over desk). 
Wait, I must jot down that sum. Let's see, (Turns, over 
pages of note-book) Milk — milk — classified under food, isn't 
it? 

Witherbee (sarcastically). I have always thought so. 
Anyhow, Anne, that's all nonsense! 

Anne. Strict accounting is the only way to prevent waste 
and extravagance. 

Witherbee. But I am willing to stand for the waste and 
extravagance, if I can only get comfort and good food. And 
that breakfast — ugh! (He takes up his coat) 

Anne (angrily). That breakfast was perfect from a scientific 
standpoint. 

Witherbee. I won't dispute that; nevertheless, it was un- 
eatable. 

ENTER Fanchon l. u. e. 

Fanchon. The butter'n eggs woman's here, and she says 
when d'ye want a chicken? 

Anne. Always somebody ! It's a wonder I'm not crazy ! Let 
me think, hash to-night, and chops to-morrow. Tell her to bring 
a chicken on Thursday morning. 

Fanchon. Yes'm. [EXIT l. u. e. 

Anne. As I was saying, I have breakfasts, at least, down 
to a science. Now that one (Pointing to the deserted table) 
contained, for a man of sedentary occupation, an exactly pro- 
portioned amount of proteid, carbohydrate, and fat. 

Witherbee. Would I were a ploughman! 

Anne. Besides, it was cooked in the most up-to-date culi- 
nary devices. 

Witherbee (scornfuhj). Corn-bread in a paper bag! Cof- 
fee in a percolator, running over into a puddle on the tray ! 
Eggs in patent egg-boilers that explode their contents on my 
tie ! Watery 

ENTER Fanchon l. it. e. 

Fanchon. The man's here to beat them up-stairs rugs. He 
says it'll be forty cents an hour this year. 

Anne. I don't care what it is, if he only beats them well! 
But don't interrupt us again, Fanchon Bijou, if you can avoid 
it. 

Fanchon. No'm, [EXIT l. u. e. 



Up-To-Date Anne 5 

Witherbee. Watery oatmeal, the result of tireless cooking, 
rolls tasting like charcoal tablets, sun preserved fruit, and 
toast as (ENTER Fanchon l. u. e.) Does it ever cease? 

Anne (with tense patience). What is it, Fanchon Bijou? 

Fanchon. The washwoman says we're out o' starch. 

Anne. Will you telephone for it, Fanchon? A box of lump 
starch. 

Witherbee. And toast as hard as a brickbat, from the elec- 
tric toaster, (Mockingly sentimental) your last sweet Christ- 
mas gift to me ! 

Fanchon. Hello ! Hello ! Is this nine hundred and fifty- 
four? (In voice .of unctions sweetness) Well, this is Mrs. 
Howard Witherbee. 

Anne (appalled). Fanchon Bijou! 

Fanchon (unheeding). Yes, this is Mrs. Witherbee. Send 
up a box of lump starch, please. (Descending to customary 
tone) And there's not much danger of you breakin' your 
neck gettin' here either, J guess, but you'd better hurry along 
or somethin'll happen when you do land! (Hangs tip re- 
ceiver) 

Witherbee. Fanchon ! What have you been up to? 

Fanchon (unabashed). Oh, I always do that; it makes 
them stand round better. [EXIT unconcernedly l. u. e. 

Anne. Howard, it all comes down to this, my work in the 
world is to run my house as the best students of home eco- 
nomics advise me. 

Witherbee. Anne! It all comes down to this, I thought 
our tastes and ideas were sufficiently alike for your home 
to be mine, also. Since they are not, I suggest that as I 
pay for the home, you conform your ideas to mine. 

Anne. This is a home for you, — a home as sanitary, well 
ordered, and economical as my poor skill can make it. 

Witherbee. A workshop and experiment station it is, in- 
deed; a home, it is not. Anne, will you make a home for me? 

Anne. I most certainly will. 

Witherbee. You promise? (His face brightens) 

Anne. But I am the one to study out the ideal home. 

Witherbee (glares, turns and absently looks at his watch, 
grabs his coat). Gee! I'll miss that train! 

Anne. I wish you would. Why can't you go on the trolley? 
The trains are dangerous. 

Witherbee. What can you expect of a company that buys 
a road to move its freight over it — comfort and safety for a few 
enfranchised passengers? 



6 Up-To-Date Anne 

Anne. I'm worried whenever you're a moment late ! 

Witherbee ( tenderly ) . Oh, don't bother about me, Anne ! 
Good-bye, little girl. (He kisses her hastily and starts' for r. 
u. e. Turns at doorway, seriously) See here, Anne, it'll take 
a miracle to get you headed away from this scientific house- 
keeping stunt of yours, but let me tell you I have about all 
the sanitary indigestion I can stand ! [EXIT r. u. e. 

Anne (hastily selects book from table and seats herself 
on couch. Reading title). "Assurance in Agitated Moments." 
Howard simply drives me wild, sometimes ! ( Opens book and 
reads) " Each day a great work lies before the housewife. Be 
calm, and face it with far-seeing eyes. (Gazes absorbedly at 
distant prospect. Resumes) Make a definite plan of the 
tasks before you, and then concentrate your attention upon 
them one by one. There is one simple rule — Do not swerve 

from your schedule." (Telephone rings) Hello ! Yes, this 

is Anne Mar jorie ! I can't have the Literary here Fri- 
day ! No ! It's the day I run the vacuum cleaner ! 

Not very well. Why can't Agnes have them? Yes ! . .Yes ! 

..Oh, goodness !.. Oh, I suppose so.... It just looks as though 
the tiresome old meeting gets foisted off on me every other time ! 

Benefit ! I'm sick of clubs ! But I won't have a 

thing for them except tea and sandwiches I know, but 

they've come to expect regular banquets at each meeting 

(Resignedly) You're welcome. Good-bye. (Hangs up re~ 
ceiver. Reads) "Do not swerve from your daily schedule" 
— piffle! (Stops and considers) I believe I can experiment 
to-day, though. For once, since I've been married, I can devote 
the whole day to housekeeping, along the newest and most 
approved lines, without having to scatter my duties among a 
thousand and one outside engagements. (She crosses to 
desk, seats herself before it, drawing account-book toward her) 

ENTER Fanchon l. u. e. 

Fanchon. Mis' Witherbee, the baby's awake. 

Anne (frowns exasperatedly, recollects herself, and 
changes to a maternal beam). No wonder, the little dear! 
She's slept late this morning ! I'll go to her at once ! (Doorbell 
rings, Anne frowns) See who that is, Fanchon. 

[EXIT l. u. e. and Fanchon r. u. e. 

ENTER r. u. e. Kate followed by Fanchon. 

Kate. Tell Mrs. Witherbee not to hurry, Fanny. 



Up-To-Date Anne 7 

Fanchon. Fanchon Bijou ! 

Kate (caustically). Pardon me! [EXIT Fanchon l. u. e. 

Kate. What a tranquil little room! (Seats herself and 
looks around her) A quiet cozy nest, safe from the storm of 
life. But monotony! Monotony! (She shakes her head) 

Doorbell rings. ENTER Fanchon l. u. e., stalks haughtily 
through the room to r. u. e. and EXITS. Kate rises and 
examines picture over Anne's desk. ENTER Fanchon 
r. u. e. followed by Jim Coleman. 

Coleman. Thank you. Tell Mrs. Witherbee on no account 
to hurry. 

Fanchon (suspiciously. Aside). Huh! She said that! 

Coleman (evincing uncontrollable surprise). You here, 
Kate? 

Kate (turning from picture). Jim! You followed me here. 

Coleman (weakly). I missed the train. 

Kate. You always do, when I miss it. 

Coleman. But I have something to tell 

Kate. Listen to me, Jim ! I am in earnest. Once and for 
all, 1 will not marry you! 

Coleman. Well, ichy not? 

Kate. For one thing, / couldn't stand this commonplace, 
humdrum existence! 

Coleman. Sheltered from trouble and worry. 

Kate. Yes, one might as well be in a cocoon. I am out in 
the world, Jim, doing a useful work. I could not endure to 
idle my life away in this easy, purposeless manner ! 

Coleman. But woman's place is in 

Kate. Don't you dare finish that nonsense! Please go! 

ENTER Anne l. u. e. 

Anne (roguishly congratulatory). Oh, howdy! Both of 
you ! You dear things, have you come to tell me something? 

Kate. Ugh ! ... I'm going up to see the baby. 

[EXIT l. u. e. 

Coleman (impulsively). Anne, plead with her for me! 

Anne (smiling gently). I'm sorry for you, Jim. 

Coleman (despairingly) . Kate takes such a mistaken view 
of home life. 

Anne. Don't you think you'd better — er let her have her 
head awhile? 



8 Up-To-Date Anne 

Coleman (gloomily). I suppose so! But to think of her, a 
gentle, frail woman, out in the world ! I would remove her far 
from every care. 

Anne (amusedly). By putting her in charge of your home, 
Jim? 

Coleman. Exactly! (He does not see Anne's smile) Un- 
harrassed, unannoyed, surrounded by every comfort, she 
could pass her days in the dignified repose of a queen. 

Anne. That is your idea of home life, is it, Jim? 

Coleman (with slow and serious emphasis). That is 
every man's idea, Anne. Oh, Anne! If you could know how 
a man hates to see the woman he loves beset by responsibil- 
ities and dreary duties 

ENTER Kate r. u. e. 

Kate (ominously) . You still here, Jim? 

Coleman (hastily). I'm just going. 

Kate (amused). It's high time. 

Coleman (pulling out watch). Indeed it is, for the nine-ten. 
(Hopefully) You'll walk down with me, won't you, Kate? 

Kate. Indeed not ! I'm perfectly capable of walking down 
by myself! Besides, I've brought a magazine I wish to talk 
over with Anne. 

Coleman. Very well. (Tragically) I go alone! Good-bye, 
Anne. (Shakes her hand. With mock appeal to Kate) Adieu, 
my loved one! 

Kate (flustered). Tasteless brute. [EXIT Jim r. u. e. 

Anne (laughing). Oh, don't mind me, Kate. You know all 
our crowd are used to seeing you and Jim quarrelling. 

Kate. That doesn't make his remarks any the less em- 
barrassing to me. 

Anne. Then why not put a stop to them? All the rest 
of the girls have married, why don't you? 

Kate (facetiously). Have hard enough work supporting 
myself, without taking him on my hands. 

Anne (laughing). Let him do the supporting, since he's so 
willing. 

Kate (seriously aghast). And be a parasite? Anne, you 
know what I think of WOMAN! That she should face the 
world fearlessly and tirelessly; that her greatest is her IN' 
DEPENDENCE ! " Work ! " should be her motto. 

Anne (on the defensive). You can work at housekeeping. 

Kate (tolerantly). Oh, Anne, in your dear little play- 



Up-To-Date Anne 9 

house, playing at dolls . What do you know of fretful 

moments? (She pats Anne condescendingly on the shoulder. 
Telephone rings) 

Anne. Hello! . . . Hello! ... Oh, yes, Mamma. 
. . . Why, I think a nainsook slip will be plenty for Jane. 
She seemed so well when she wakened this morning. . . . 
Oh, not flannel! . . . But it's warm, to-day. . . . 
Mamma, I know you've raised five! . . . Mamma, I do 
respect your opinion ! . . . Oh, Mamma ! Please listen a 
. . . Why, she's rung off ! (Hangs up receiver) 

Kate (smiling and shaking her head). Poor little Anne! 
Your problems are little daily annoyances, trifles, of no im- 
port. Now I, (Taking a deep breath and lifting her head) 
deal with the great difficulties of a magnificent industry. 

Anne (roused). Well, you're lucky! 

Kate (icith tense patience). Anne, my dear! You forget 
that your tasks, to mine, are as pebbles at the foot of towering 
cliffs. 

Anne. No doubt you'd dispose of mine with an airy wave 
of the hand. 

Kate (deprecatingly, and unconsciously waving her hand). 
Hardly that, Anne dear. Yet I cannot imagine myself taking 
them seriously. (Telephone rings) 

Anne. Hello ! . . . This is Mrs. Wither bee. . . . 
Yes, Mother Witherbee! . . . (Grimaces at Kate) 
. . . Yes, I did, Mother Witherbee. We had veal stew yes- 
terday. . . But I do give Howard a great deal of red 
meat. ... I don't think veal once in awhile will hurt 
him. . . . Mother Witherbee, all three of our windows are 
open every night! . . . (Makes mouth at Kate) . . . 
I suppose / am a fresh air fiend. (Appealing little laugh over 
the phone, and a scowl at Kate) . . . He hasn't had a cold 
this winter! ... No, I don't! . . . (Defiantly) I 
consider his health improved. . . . I'm sorry! ... I 
say, I'm sorry! . . . Good-bye! (Hangs up receiver) 
There! How'd you like to stand for that? 

Kate. My training in the business world would fit me to 
cope with a situation like that. 

Anne. Would it? Well, I'm ready for a tip. What would 
you do? 

Kate. I'd simply cut short the conversation — do some 
ringing off on my own account. 

Anne (triumphantly) . Yes, and have Jim jumping all over 
you for snapping at his mother! 



10 Up-To-Date Anne 

Kate (quickly). Jim! Why Jim, pray? 

Anne. Your husband, then, if the other shoe pinches. 

Kate (looks hard at Anne, icho has turned her face away. 
Thinks better of retorting). Hum! Well, I must be going. 
I've missed that nine-ten — thank goodness! Now here is a 
magazine I've brought you to read, my dear. W T hen I found I 
was going to miss the early train, I decided to bring over the 
magazine and wait for the next train, here. I knew I'd be 
welcome, because with the luxury of a maid, you've nothing 
in particular to do. How you ever endure the feeling of idle- 
ness, I'm sure I can't understand. (She seats herself on chair 
at right of center-table, and places magazine on table before 
her. Turns pages) This is an article on "The Efficient 
Management of the Home." " The Perfect Budget." Have yon 
tried the Budget system, Anne? 

Anne. Certainly. 

Kate (plainly surprised) Why, I imagined you had never 
heard of it. 

Anne (with asperity). Why, may I ask? 

Kate (cornered). Oh, for no particular reason, only your 
housekeeping seems to be rather haphazard. (She is intent 
upon her book, and misses Anne's offended glance) For 
instance, at this moment you ought to be in the midst of certain 
daily inalterable household occupations. (Misses Anne's grin) 
Here is another interesting little thing. " How to Treat our 
Housemaids." (Looking up reproachfully) We are not con- 
siderate, Anne. (Slowly turns pages) This is what I've 
been looking for. " Up to Date Table Arrangements." I knew 
you'd be interested. " Service inside-out," it says here. 

Anne (wearily). And I've just finished teaching Fanchon 
Bijou outside-in ! 

Kate. It's turned round again, now. 

Anne (striving to appear interested) . Where do the butter 
knives go? 

Kate (horrified). Butter knives! My dear, if you know 
what's what, you'll throw them out ! Sandwiches are " de 
rigueur!" (Anne despondently leans head on hand. Kate 
rising and leaning over her) My dear girl, don't let a little 
matter like that bother you. (Inspired) I'll leave the maga- 
zine here for you to read. 

Anne (colorlessly). Thank you, Kate. 

Kate (archly). Study up things, child. Housekeeping, 
scientifically studied, can be quite a little business. 1 must 
go, now. 



TJp-To-Date Anne 11 

Anne (rising to accompany her to the door). It can be a 
most complicated business, at any rate. Good-bye, Kate. 

Kate. Good-bye, dear. [EXIT r. u. e. 

Anne. Now to begin the morning's work. (Seats herself 
at desk) First, I shall catalogue the new sheets, and then, 
(Considering) make out to-morrow's menu, classify the pieces 
for the steam laundry and — (Terrific crash from kitchen. 
Jumping from chair, and calling) Fanchon ! Fanchon Bijou! 
What was that noise? 

ENTER Fanchon l. u. e. 

Fanchon (soothingly). The baby's milk bottles, Mis' Wither- 
bee. That's what made all the racket ! 

Anne. How careless of you, Fanchon! (Aside) How to 
treat our housemaids ! 

Fanchon (protestingly hurt). Why, it wasn't my fault, 
Mis' Witherbee ! I was just carrying 'em over the patent 
dishwasher, and I let go of 'em for a minute and the mean 
old things busted ! 

Anne (calming herself). That will do, Fanchon. (Re- 
signedly) I'll have to send you after more. (Fanchon is 
about to leave room when Anne motions to her) Wait, perhaps 
I have not been using the most scientific bottles. I'll read up. 
(Selects book from table) "Care of Our Children." (Hastily 
turns pages, reads a moment, and exclaims) Oh, horrors! 
" The Hygeia nursing-bottle is the only safe one." " Others are 
impossible to clean ! " . . . And I've been using the " In- 
fants' Delight ! " ( Terrified, to Fanchon ) It's a wonder 
baby isn't dead! (Reads) "A fatal poison lurks in unclean 
bottles." Oh, my soul ! Fanchon, run quickly to the drug 
store and get eight Hygeia nursing-bottles! 

Fanchon. Eight Hija bottles, yes'm ! [EXIT l. u. e. 

Anne. Oh, what will Howard say when he learns of my 
criminal negligence! (She sinks into chair, r.) I am so 
ignorant! Never again will I reject Mamma's advice! This 
is plainly a warning ! Oh ! I am so worn out already, I feel 
that I can endure nothing more! 

ENTER Fanchon l. u. e. 

Fanchon (excitedly). Mis' Witherbee! 

Anne (rising in terror). The baby! Is she ? 

Fanchon. No'm, only a pipe's leakin' somethin' fierce in 
the kitchen! 



12 Up-To-Date Anne 

Anne. Oh! (Staggers and faints upon the couch) 
Fanchon (runs to telephone). Three hundred and fift^-two? 
Hurry up ! . . . Hello! Hello! Hello! Hello! . . . 
Is this the plumber? . . . Well, come up here right away! 
. . . Who is this? This is Mrs. Howard Witherbee! . . . 
Not for au hour ! . . . You listen to me ! . . . Never mind, 
you come right up here. . . . You'll get your head bashed, 
that's all. . . . Here! Don't get smart, or — (Inspiration) 
Howard'll do you up ! . . . Ta ! Ta ! (Hangs up receiver. 
Turning to Anne inert upon the couch) Poor little thing! 
Beat out! Gee! She works hard! (EXIT l. u. e. RE- 
ENTER quickly with wet cloth. Wipes Anne's brow and 
wrists) Huh! This is the first human let-go moment I've 
spent in this place! 

CURTAIN. 



ACT II. 



Scene. — Same as Act i. Evening. Little table up c. with two 
shaded candles. Lamp on center-table. DISCOVERED 
Anne sitting on couch, reading. She is pale and languid. 

Anne (looking at clock). A half -hour past the time! 
What can have happened! 

ENTER Fanchon l. u. e. She stands and gazes with awk- 
ward anxiety at her mistress. 

Fanchon. There now, Mis' Witherbee, don't you be worry- 
ing ! It's just one of them over-loaded, broken-down freight 
trains stalled ahead o' th' local. Mr. Witherbee's train is often 
late. 

Anne. I know ! I know ! Yet this evening I feel so un- 
easy! (EXIT Fanchon l. u. e.) If anything should happen to 
him after our quarrel this morning, I couldn't bear it ! Oh ! if 
he'd only come, I'd let him turn the house upside down ! 
(Determinedly picks up her novel) This is foolish! I must 
compose myself! (A silence falls. Fanchon quietly steals in 
l. u. e. with a dish, which she sets on the table. Doorbell 
rings. Anne rises and drops book on the floor) Fanchon ! See 
who that is! I cannot go! (She stands tensely by the couch. 



Up-To-Date Anne 13 

EXIT Fanchon r. u. e., after apprehensive glance at her 
Mistress. RE-ENTER Fanchon r. u. e.) 

Fanchon (grimly). A book-agent; I wormed that much 
out of him ! 

Anne (sinking hopelessly into chair). I cannot see him! 

Fanchon. No'm, of course you can't. (EXIT r. u. e., and 

is heard off stage) No! I say. Get out! Yes, I'm the 

lady of the house ! You just try to tell me I ain't. (ENTER r. 
u. e. triumphantly. Aside) There's only one way to deal with 
them pests ! There'd oughter be a law against 'em ! 

[EXIT l. u. e. 

Anne (rising and govng to clock). Oh, why doesn't he 
come ! This waiting will drive me mad ! 

ENTER Witherbee r. u. e. His hair is mussed. Mud on his 
face and clothes. 

Anne (with a little scream). Howard! My darling! I 
thought you would never come! 

Witherbee (determinedly). Anne, it is my duty as a chris- 
tian to bring them in here. 

Anne (puzzled). Whom? Why, look at you! You look 
as though you'd been in a fight! What has happened? 

Witherbee (excitedly). The wreck, at last! Fortunately, 
we were going slowly, ran into an open switch — lost my 
hat in the shuffle — nobody really hurt — a pile of fainting sub- 
urban stenographers — we had to walk from below the Junction. 

Anne. Thank God you're safe. (She flutters about him 
pulling at his coat to help him with it) 

Witherbee. Wait a moment, Anne. (Sloivly and impres- 
sively) I must bring them in here. 

Anne. What? Whom? 

Witherbee. Jim, and Kate. Jim has a bad arm, and Kate 
(Seriously) is just about in hysterics. 

Anne (deeply hurt). Oh, Howard! How could you doubt 
that I'd want them ! 

Witherbee (uneasily). Well, I — I didn't want to alarm 
you and then 

Anne (intently). "And then — ." 

Witherbee. I knew it would put you out, er — mussing up 
the house — you don't like things er — unsettled. 

Anne. Not another word ! Bring the poor things in ! 
(EXIT Witherbee, r. u. e. delighted. Annie horrified) So 
that is what home means to him! (Her face lights up mis- 



14 TJp-To-Date Anne 

chievously, as sounds of wild sobbing are heard) Oh, I pine 
to see the self-sufficient Kate in hysterics ! 

ENTER Witherbee E. u. e. leading a sobbing and disheveled 
Kate, followed by Jim, rather pale and his arm in a sling. 

Anne. You poor dears! 

Kate (crying wildly on Anne's shoulder). Oh — oh — oh! It 
was awful ! I've never been so frightened in my life ! Never 
again will I set foot on a train! (Led by Anne to couch, she 
sinks upon it, Jim sits in arm-chair) 

ENTER Fanchon l. u. e. agog with curiosity. 

Fanchon. What's ailin' them, ma'am? 

Anne (frantic). A terrible accident! Mr. Coleman is 
dreadfully injured! 

Fanchon. The poor man! 

Witherbee. Not " dreadfully," Anne. 

Anne. Don't bother me! I must attend to his injuries! 
Fanchon!. A sheet, for bandages. 

Fanchon. Out of which catalogue? 

Anne. Goodness! I don't know . . . take any one! 

Fanchon. Yes'm. (About to EXIT, l. u. e.) 

Anne. And Fanchon, some kindling wood. 

Witherbee. Ye gods ! What for ? 

Anne. Splints, of course! Anyone could tell you've had no 
training in work of this sort. 

Witherbee. (stung). Have you? 

Anne (triumphantly). No, but I've had my books. 

Fanchon. Kindling, yes'm. (About to EXIT) 

Anne. Fanchon, wait ! A hot water bottle. 

Fanchon. Yes'm. [EXIT l. u. e. followed by Witherbee. 

Anne (Kate continues hysterically sobbing. Jim, rather 
weak from pain, is content to sit quietly in armchair, casting 
worried glances at Kate. The following scene moves quickly, 
as Anne is nervous and excited). Accidents! Accidents I 
(She rushes to center-table) Where is that book? (Flings 
books right and left and finally pounces on one she wants) 
Accidents — let's see . . . here : " Move arms violently up 
and down." (Startled look from Jim) "Roll victim on bar- 
rel." (Glances doubtfully at Jim and back at book) Oh, 
that's drowning. (Continues search. ENTER Witherbee l. u. 
e. with glass of water. Anne does not see him) That hasn't 
much to do with this accident, has it? 



TTp-To-Date Anne 15 

Witherbee. Books about as helpful as usual? 

Anne (heatedly). Where should we be without scientific ad- 
vice in emergencies like this? Dead! 

Witherbee (while bending over Kate with glass). Go on 
with your research, Anne, I'll stick to old-fashioned remedies. 
(Kate refuses glass; wildly waves it away. Witherbee 
crosses to Jim and hands him the glass) 

ENTER Fanchon l. u. e. with articles. 

Anne. There you are, Fanchon! 

Fanohon (dropping kindling in her progress). Yes'm. 
Where will I put 'em? 

Anne. Over there, on that chair, please. (Fanchon drops 
articles on desk-chair. EXIT slowly l. u. e. craning her 
neck) This book is rather ridiculous. I have read for three 
pages and half and now it says : " The first thing to do is send 
for a good doctor." 

Witherbee (jumping toward phone). Its first lucid 
words! (Anne murmurs over her book) Hello! Three-oh- 
seven, please, . . . Hello, Doc, this is Witherbee talking! 
Come on over as soon as you can. . . . No, nothing serious. 
We're all right. We've just got Jim's broken arm here. «, . . 
Yes. I expect you are . . . Well, we'll look for you when 
you're through. , . . Good-bye. Doc says he's swamped 
with survivors at the office, but he'll be over as soon as he gets 
through there. 

Kate (sharply). He's much too slow, anyhow! 

Anne. My dear! Doctor Blakely slow? He just hustles 
around, and there isn't a doctor in this town more obliging! 

Kate (defiantly). Well, he's only a general practitioner, 
and I certainly think we ought to have a specialist for Jim's 
arm. 
.Witherbee (gleefully). Oh-ho-o-o-o-o ! 

Coleman (revives. Leans forward, soulfully). Katherine! 
(Crosses to couch and sits by Kate) 

Kate. What is the matter with you, Howard? 

Coleman (happy; to Anne). Oh, don't get to quarrelling 
over me ! I'm all right. 

Anne (business-like). At any rate, Jim, it is our duty to 
care for you to the best of our ability. Howard, ( She crosses to 
him and points to place in her book) it says here: "While 
waiting for the physician, administer a stimulant" Fanchon! 
Fanchon Bijou! 



16 Up-To-Date Anne 

ENTER Fanchon l. u. e. 

Anne. Fanchon, get the whiskey bottle. 

Witherbee (sicooning upon chair). I'm a patient, too! 

Fanchon (worn out). I dunno where 'tis. 

Anne. Let me think ! (Runs to the desk, grabs notebook and 
reads) "Medicine. Whiskey! An inch left in bottle. N. B. 
List in replenishing column." And I forgot to list it. Will 
Jim need more than an inch? 

Kate. If that's for Jim, he won't need a drop, because I 
won't let him have it. 

Fanchon (loyally). Mister Witherbee looks awful sick. 

Anne. Howard ! Behave yourself ! 

Witherbee (sits up, hopelessly). False alarm, Fanchon. 
(EXIT Fanchon l. u. e.) See here, Kate, it was a lot your 
business, wasn't it? Jim, won't you let me get you some? 

Coleman (quickly, horrified). Against Kate's advice? 
Never! (Witherbee groans in disgust) Tut-tut! Withie! 
Kate's the boss. 

Anne. Since when? 

Kate. Since just now. I've realized he needs looking after. 

Anne. Oh, Jim ! Congratulations, my heartiest congratula- 
tions ! 

Witherbee (in falsetto). Oh, Jim! Sympathy, my heartiest 
sympathy ! 

Kate. I'd like to know why! 

Witherbee. Because I see you're going to be the efficient 
kind. 

Kate (smiling confidently). I hope to be! 

Witherbee. She admits it ! Jim, this is your finish. You 
will soon be a mere cog in a theoretically run machine. 

Anne. Howard ! 

Witherbee. Yes, old boy ! That machine won't be run for 
you. You'll simply be a part of it and a mighty insignificant 
part, too. For you, comfort is forever gone; (Grandiloquently) 
hunger steals upon — . 

Anne. Howard! If you'll only stop, I'll — . 

Witherbee. You'll — what? 

Anne. I'll — I'll — surrender. 

Kate ( to Jim ) . Lunatics, plainly. 

Coleman. It's beyond me what they're talking about. 

Anne. I'll tell you: I've done my best to run this house 
efficiently, reading every book I could find on the subject, and 
applying its advice. I've failed to make a home, that's all. 



Up-To-Date Anne 17 

Now, wisely or not, I'm going to throw advice to the winds. 
(Flings a book to corner r.) Henceforth, housekeeping shall 
be a side-line, while Howard and I enjoy life ! 

Kate. Why, I imagined — really, Anne, do you think the 
latter plan the better one*? 

Witheebee. Sure ! 

Anne. I — don't — know. Yet there is no plan outlined in 
those books that is in harmony with Howard's likes and dis- 
likes. And surely a husband has some place in a home! 

Coleman. I should hope! 

Anne. Yes, he has. So I am going to try a new system. 

Witherbee. I'm too full of the old one to be convinced. 
You will have to show me! 

Anne (daringly). Very well! Fanchon! Fanchon Bijou! 

ENTER Fanchon l. u. e. 

Fanchon. Ma'am? 

Anne. Fanchon, get a large thick, porterhouse steak. Miss 
Barton and Mr. Coleman will stay to supper. 

Witherbee. Hear ! Hear ! 

Fanchon. I've got hash ready. 

Witherbee. Foiled again! 

Anne. No matter, Fanchon. Cook that steak with onions. 

Witherbee. Shades of my ancestors! 

Anne. Give us mashed potatoes, French peas, and coffee. 
I'll make a fruit salad. 

Witherbee. Fll have palpitation of the heart. 

Anne. And order up some ice cream from the drugstore. 

Fanchon. My land! [EXIT l. u. e. 

Witherbee. My darling, come to 'me' arms ! ( Crosses to 
Anne and hugs her. Turns to others) I'm afraid she'll die of 
saintliness. 

Kate. You certainly are fond of your meals, Howard. 

Coleman. So am I, Katherine! 

ENTER Fanchon l. u. e. 

Fanchon. Mis' Witherbee, how'll I (Proudly) u-ti-lize the 
hash? 

Witherbee. Give Towser a square meal with it, Fanchon. 

Fanchon (grinning). Yes'm ! [EXIT l. tj. e. 

Witherbee (with mock ardor, clasping Anne). My loved 
one! (Jim is trying to take Kate's hand. She is coy. Doorbell 



IS Up-To-Date Anne 

rings. UNTER Fanchon l. u. e., just as Jim has succeeded 
in raising Kate's hand to his lips. She glances furtively at the 
two couples, and crosses stage, hands considerately held as 
blinders to her eyes. EXIT B. u. e.) 

Coleman. Katherine ! 

Kate. James ! 

Witherbee. Home again! 

Fanchon (at b. u. e.). Hist! Th' doctor! 

CUBrAIN. 



MISS MOSHER of COLORADO 

OR 

A MOUNTAIN PSYCHE 

COMEDY-DRAMA IN FOUR ACTS, BY A. S. RICHARDSON. 

PRICE 25 CENTS 

Five male, three female characters, including a Denver capitalist, an 
enterprising young man, a Wall Street broker, a rich, nervous man, a 
Colorado heiress and her mother, a maiden lady, and a butler. Time of 
playing, 2 hours. 

SYNOPSIS OF INCIDENTS. 

Act I. — The ranch near Denver. Mosher's addition. Mosher means to 
cut a dash. A turn of luck. Choosing dollars instead of love. 

Act II. — At Lenox, Mass. An odd pair of lovers. The rough course 
of true love. Filial devotion. Love's awakening. A mother's love. 

Act III. — Preparing for the ball. A surprise for Leta. A close call. 
Dallas again. 

Act IV. — After many days. False pride is broken. Story of Dallas. 
Leta's ultimatum. Shaking hands and calling it square. 

MY LADY DARRELL 

OR 

A Strange Marriage 

A DRAMA IN FOUR ACTS, BY JOSEPH LE BRANDT. 
PRICE 25 CENTS 

Nine male, six female characters, including juvenile leading man, genteel 
heavy, light comedy, straight old man, comedy characters, heavy character; 
leading lady, genteel heavy, character old women. Easy to stage, and 
thrillingly dramatic throughout. Time of playing, 2$4 hours. 3 interior 
and 3 exterior scenes. 

SYNOPSIS OF INCIDENTS. 

Act I. — Rural Scene I. — The Paisey farm. "Now, strike if you dare." 
Scene II. — Lord Darrell's estate. A strange marriage. 

Act II. — Society drama. Lapse of four months. The plot. The insult. 
The blow. 

Act III. — The abduction. Recognition. "You are the murderer of 
Captain Wyndham. 

Act IV.— Melodrama. In London. "I'll rescue her if it takes the last 
drop of blood in my veins." The Beggars' Paradise. Finale. 



GOLDEN GULCH 

A DRAMA IN THREE ACTS 

By CHARLES TOWNSEND 

PRICE 25 CENTS 

Eleven male, three female characters, including a gentleman outlaw, a 
scout, a hotel landlord, a pugilist, a Western tough, a sly Chinaman, a 
cullud politician, a Jew peddler, a sanctimonious reformer, a Western mad- 
cap girl, a strong-minded woman and a Yankee old maid. Time of playing, 
2% hours. The action is in the Wild West, with wide diversity of char- 
acters and dramatic incident, and requiring only two easily staged scenes. 

SYNOPSIS OF INCIDENTS. 

Act I. — The Golden Gulch hotel. A musical Chinaman. "Annie 
Rooney." The festive dude and the negro politician. The Jew peddler. 
Gentleman George makes a purchase. Jess and the outlaw. Frank and 
Naggle compare notes. Old acquaintances. A warning. The dude on his 
muscle. The card-sharper. The tract distributor. The game begins. Frank 
takes a hand. "Hands up! I hold a trump card!" "I hold another!" 

Act II. — Among the hills. Time, the next morning. Ireland and Africa 
at war. A big scare, and nobody hurt. The missionary makes a trial. 
"Big fool! Wah!" The false message. The robbery. Old Ikey in the 
toils. The dude investigates and strikes a hard customer. A villainous 
scheme. The accusation of murder. "Stand back! It's my turn now!" 

Act III. — At the hotel, one hour later. Active prohibition. Toots and 
O'Gooligan on a bender. The Chinese way. The smashed up missionary. 
Toots makes an offer. Frank a prisoner. Judge O'Gooligan opens court. 
Getting a jury. The judge presents the case. Some tough evidence. The 
verdict. The end of Gentleman George." Finale. 



Uhe JjilL BIRD 

A DRAMA IN FIVE ACTS 

By CHARLES TOWNSEND 

PRICE 25 CENTS 

Seven male, two female characters. Leading juvenile man, character 
heavy, comedy, low comedy, walking gentleman, utility man. Leading lady, 
old woman comedy, soubrette. Time of playing, 2^/2 hours. New in treat- 
ment, asousing sympathy and merriment throughout. No difficult scenes. 

SYNOPSIS OF INCIDENTS. 

Act I. — Scene, a room in Isaacs' concert hall. The detective and the 
crook. A profitable deal. Donovan and Isaacs compare notes. The counter- 
feit money. Matt and Donovan. Jennie. Homeless and friendless. The 
insult. The Jew learns a lesson. Arrested. 

Act II. — Time, two years later. Scene, Jennie Foster's rooms in Mrs. 
Babbleton's lodging house. Matt's letter. Matt's arrival. Prison experi- 
ence. Bob "blows in." A specimen of the New York "kid." Matt refunds 
the money. Denham, the broker. Sunshine ahead. 

Act III. — A lapse of six months. Scene, ante-room in Denham's office. 
Matt's advice. Mrs. Babbleton investigates. Darby's discovery. Donovan 
in hot water. A cunning rascal. Discharged. 

Act IV. — Six months later. Scene, the concert hall again. Planning 
a robbery. The last chance. Husband and wife. Jennie's faith. Bob 
on a "bender." The swindlers. Hunted down. Matt's desperation. 
Matt's cunning. Foiled! Striking tableau. 

Act V. — Half an hour later. Scene, Denham's office. Darby speaks 
his mind. Laying the train. Matt asserts himself. A thrilling struggle. 
Victory! Finale. 



MILITARY PLAYS 

25 CENTS EACH 

M. 

BY THE ENEMY'S HAND. 4 Acts; 2 hours 10 

EDWARDS, THE SPY. 5 Acts; 2^ hours . 10 

PRISONER OP ANDERSON VILLE. 4 Acts; 2J4 hours.. 10 

CAPTAIN DICK. 3 Acts; 1^ hours 9 

ISABEL, THE PEARE OF CUBA. 4 Acts; 2 hours 9 

EITTLE SAVAGE. 3 Acts; 2 hours; 1 Stage Setting 4 

BY FORCE OF IMPULSE. (15 cents.) 5 Acts; 2^ hours 9 
BETWEEN TWO FIRES. (15 cents.) 3 Acts; 2 hours 8 




RURAL PLAYS 

25 CENTS EACH 

MAN FROM MATNE. 5 Acts; 214 hours 9 3 

AMONG THE BERKSHIRES. 3 Acts; 2J4 hours 8 4 

OAK FARM. 3 Acts; 2J^ hours; 1 Stage Setting 7 4 

GREAT WINTERSON MINE. 3 Acts; 2 hours 6 4 

SQUIRE THOMPKINS' DAUGHTER. 5 Acts; 2^ hours 5 2 

WHEN A MAN'S SINGLE. 3Acts;2hours 4 4 

FROM PUNKIN RIDGE. (15 cents.) 1 Act; 1 hour... 6 3 

EETTER FROM HOME. (15 cents.) 1 Act; 25 minutes 1 1 



ENTERTAINMENTS 

25 CENTS EACH 

AUNT DINAH'S QUIETING PARTY. 1 Scene S"! 

BACHEEOR MAIDS' REUNION. 1 Scene <*30 

IN THE FERRY HOUSE. 1 Scene; 1^ hours 19 15 

JAPANESE WEDDING. 1 Scene; 1 hour 3 10 

MATRIMONIAL EXCHANGE. 2 Acts; 2 horns 6 '9 

OLD PLANTATION NIGHT. 1 Scene; \\£ hours 4 4 

YE VILLAGE SKEWL OF LONG AGO. 1 Scene. 13 12 

FAMILIAR FACES OF A FUNNY FAMILY 8 11 

JOLLY BACHELORS. Motion Song or Recitation 11 

CHRISTMAS MEDLEY. 30 minutes 15 14 

EASTER TIDINGS. 20 minutes 8 

BUNCH OF ROSES. (15 cents.) lAct;l^hours 1 13 

OVER THE GARDEN WALL. (15 cents) 11 8 



DICK & FITZGERALD, Publishers, 18 Ann Street, N. Y. 



LIBRARY OF CONGRESS 

016 103 517 8 

BREAKING HIS BONDS. 4 Acts; ..„_" 6 3 

BUTTERNUT'S BRIDE. 3 Acts; 2>6 hours 11 6 

COLLEGE CHUMS. 3 Acts; 2 hours; 1 Stage Setting 9 3 

COUNT OF NO ACCOUNT. 3Acts; 2^ hours 9 4 

DEACON. 5 Acts; 2^ hours 8 6 

DELEGATES FROM DENVER. 2 Acts; 45 minutes 3 10 

DOCTOR BY COURTESY. 3Acts;2hours 6 5 

EASTSIDERS, The. 3 Acts; 2 hours; 1 Stage Setting 8 4 

ESCAPED FROM THE LAW. 5 Acts; 2 hours 7 4 

GIRL FROM PORTO RICO. 3 Acts; 2^ hours 5 3 

GYPSY QUEEN. 4 Acts; 2% hours .• 5 3 

IN THE ABSENCE OF SUSAN. 3 Acts; 1J^ hours 4 6 

JAILBIRD. 5 Acts; 2^ hours 6 3 

JOSIAH'S COURTSHIP. 4Acts;2hours 7 4 

MY LADY DARRELL. 4 Acts; 2% hours 9 6 

MY UNCLE FROM INDIA. 4 Acts; 2% hours 13 4 

NEXT DOOR. 3 Acts; 2 hours 5 4 

PHYLLIS'S INHERITANCE. 3 Acts; 2 hours.... 6 9 

REGULAR FLIRT. 3 Acts; 2 hours 4 4 

ROGUE'S LUCK. 3Acts;2hours 5 3 

SQUIRE'S STRATAGEM. 5 Acts ; 2% hours 6 4 

STEEL KING. 4 Acts; 2% hours 5 3 

WHAT'S NEXT? 3 Acts; 2% hours 7 4 

WHITE LIE. 4 Acts; 2% hours 4 8 

WESTERN PLAYS 

25 CENTS EACH 

ROCKY FORD. 4Acts;2hours 8 3 

GOLDEN GULCH. 3 Acts; 2^ hours 11 3 

RED ROSETTE. 3Acts;2hours 6 3 

MISS MOSHER OF COLORADO. 4 Acts; 2% hours.... 5 8 

STUBBORN MOTOR CAR. 3 Acts; 2 hours; 1 Stage Setting 7 4 

CRAWFORD'S CLAIM. (15 cents.) 3 Acts; 2J4 hours. 9 3 

DICK & FITZGERALD, Publishers, 18 Ann Street, N. Y. 



